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Mexican Heart…Attack! musings…

March 28, 2012

I just received a threatening phone call que me dejo temblado y sudando de nervios…the caller said, “This is your gas and electric company…You owe us $1000.00…Pay up or we’re gonna shut off your lights and leave you in the darkness.” Can I press charges instead of paying the charges since I was threatened with darkness and then fell and struck my head after it went dark? I got the chipote to prove it…Corona

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Mexican Heart…Attack! musings…

March 28, 2012

Today was supposed to be my first day on the job but I accidentally drove past my place of employment and the sign at the corner said “No U-turn” so I went home…Corona

 

Mexican Heart…Attack’s Unemployment Cure

March 25, 2012

Job Market wearing you down? Are you tired of submitting a mountain of resumes without a response? Tired of being over-qualified, under-qualified, not married to the HR Director’s sister? Tired of going to interviews and being asked, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

And wishing you could say, “If you don’t screw me over again by laying me off, I see myself not being evicted. Duh.”

The primary reason you’re not getting that job is because you’re not memorable. Your resume is boring. Your interview is lackluster. After hundreds of interviews for a position, you’re forgotten, lost in the pile.

Here at Mexican Heart…Attack! we’ve found the solution. We’re visionaries, leaders…we get sh1t done. We have the cure for unemployment.

For $19.99 plus S&H, taxes, tolls, surcharges and whatever else we can charge you, you get the…

MEXICAN HEART…ATTACK’s UNEMPLOYMENT CURE!

Your kit contains…

1. A subliminal message to transpose onto your virtual resume…

“Hire me and you’ win $1,000,000!”

HR won’t be able to eat, drink or sleep until you’re hired. Guaranteed!

2. When you get to the interview, hypnotizing contact lenses blast colorful dollar signs. HR won’t know what hit them. You’ll be hired on the spot. Guaranteed!

3. When you meet your soon-to-be supervisor, our patented bruja love potion sit in the palm of your hand. Once contact is made, it’s over. You’ll get that job. Guaranteed! (Just hope the supervisor ain’t that ugly).

But wait. That’s not all! You also get…

Our Mexican Heart…Attack! Job interview T-shirt.

“Hire me or I’ll fvck you up, ese.”

Available in hot pink & mango in sizes up to 6X.

All this for $19.99!  What a deal!

Our iron-clad Money back guarantee: If you don’t get a job by the time this economy improves, you get your money back (assuming we have any to give you).

The MHA Unemployment cure is made in the USA by illegal immigrants, so don’t worry…it’s safe, organic, green and biodegradable. Not pets were harmed during the testing of these products.

ORDER NOW!

Lil Round Goddaughter…

March 17, 2012

My lil round Goddaughter skipped into the living room, “Nino, will you please watch me march in the parade today?”

“It’s gonna be scorching, mija.”

“It’s not! I seen the forecast! It’s gonna be 70 degrees!”

I thought about it, “But it’s gonna storm.”

“It’s not! Clear skies!” She shouted.

I dug deep, “We’re having an eclipse and it’s gonna get all dark and I won’t even be able to see you.”

She slumped, “For real?”

“Yeah. I’ll watch you march into your room.”

She marched…beautifully.

Corona

March 16, 2012

I was asked to walk in this charity walkathon…I said, “Hell yeah! I wanna give to great causes!” So I went and bought me a nice pair of sneakers with good support, a nice sweat suit and Ray Bans for I can look good while I walk, and some sunblock…Then I went to the walkathon, took 2 steps and left because I had spent all the money I was gonna give just getting ready for the mothafvcker…Corona

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Mexican Heart…Attack! musings…

January 12, 2012
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The only reason I never ran away from home when I was little was because we got evicted every month…And I would’n’ve been able to find my family when I’d go back begging to let me back in…Corona

Mexican Heart…Attack! musings…

January 12, 2012

I ran a stop sign…The cop asked me why I did it…I said, “Because I was keeping my eyes on the road.”  Corona