Mexican Heart…Attack’s Unemployment Cure
Job Market wearing you down? Are you tired of submitting a mountain of resumes without a response? Tired of being over-qualified, under-qualified, not married to the HR Director’s sister? Tired of going to interviews and being asked, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”
And wishing you could say, “If you don’t screw me over again by laying me off, I see myself not being evicted. Duh.”
The primary reason you’re not getting that job is because you’re not memorable. Your resume is boring. Your interview is lackluster. After hundreds of interviews for a position, you’re forgotten, lost in the pile.
Here at Mexican Heart…Attack! we’ve found the solution. We’re visionaries, leaders…we get sh1t done. We have the cure for unemployment.
For $19.99 plus S&H, taxes, tolls, surcharges and whatever else we can charge you, you get the…
MEXICAN HEART…ATTACK’s UNEMPLOYMENT CURE!
Your kit contains…
1. A subliminal message to transpose onto your virtual resume…
“Hire me and you’ win $1,000,000!”
HR won’t be able to eat, drink or sleep until you’re hired. Guaranteed!
2. When you get to the interview, hypnotizing contact lenses blast colorful dollar signs. HR won’t know what hit them. You’ll be hired on the spot. Guaranteed!
3. When you meet your soon-to-be supervisor, our patented bruja love potion sit in the palm of your hand. Once contact is made, it’s over. You’ll get that job. Guaranteed! (Just hope the supervisor ain’t that ugly).
But wait. That’s not all! You also get…
Our Mexican Heart…Attack! Job interview T-shirt.
“Hire me or I’ll fvck you up, ese.”
Available in hot pink & mango in sizes up to 6X.
All this for $19.99! What a deal!
Our iron-clad Money back guarantee: If you don’t get a job by the time this economy improves, you get your money back (assuming we have any to give you).
The MHA Unemployment cure is made in the USA by illegal immigrants, so don’t worry…it’s safe, organic, green and biodegradable. Not pets were harmed during the testing of these products.
ORDER NOW!
