Skip to content

Chicacabra Reloaded (Ch 6) Lust Coma

July 17, 2011

           

           CHICACABRA RELOADED

A Telenovela on Crack

By

Yoly Solis 

Based on the Novel CHICACABRA 

            Darkness permeates the Austin-Powers-style living room.
             Juana peeks through the blinds…
                                                      

             Across the street, Paco sits behind the wheel of the Toyota,
             binoculars glued to his face…
 
                                                     
             Juana smiles.
 
             KNOCK, KNOCK…
 
             She swings open the condo’s front door…
 
             Cheo, the body builder, leans against the door frame–he’s
             ready to rumba.

 
                                      JUANA
                           Hi, baby…come in.
 
             ZAP! She flips open the blinds and…
 
             Drags Cheo to the window, smothers him with a sloppy kiss,
             rubs up against him. Suddenly…
 
             She grunts, pulls away.
 
                                      JUANA
                           Cheo, what did I tell you about
                           steroids, eh?
 
                                      CHEO
                                (sounds like Michael
                                 Jackson)
                           Baby, I’m living healthy, I
                           promise.
 
             She shrugs. Whips out her palm…
 
                                      JUANA
                           Show me the love, baby.
 
             Confusion…
 
             Shakes her hand in his face. Oh, yeah…
 
             He thrusts an oversize fist inside the pocket of his very
             tight jeans. Whips out…
 
             A Tiffany box.

             Juana jumps up and down; her fake breasts barely move.
 
                                                      
             In the dark Toyota, Paco tears off binoculars, slaps the steering wheel.


 
                                      PACO
                           Conyo! Me cago en…
                                (mumble, mumble)
 
             He leaps out…
 
                                                      
             Juana smothers Cheo in a full-body embrace. Over his
             shoulder, she peeks through the window, spots…
 
                                                      
             Paco stomps up the stairs. Determined. Angry. He’s gonna
             kick some ass.
 
                                                     
             She races to the table lamp, switches it on.
 
                                                     
             Cheo’s substantial frame grows even larger–he looks like a
             freakin’ gorilla.
 
             Paco slows down…
 
             Until he stops…
 
             And retreats.
 
                                      JUANA
                           Si, como no…Tarzan.
 
                                      CHEO
                           What?
 
                                      JUANA
                           Take me to dinner. I’m hungry.
 
                                      CHEO
                           But you promised you would–
 
                                      JUANA
                           Later.

             She pushes Cheo out the door…
 
                                                       
             Drags Cheo down the stairs…
 
             Paco races back to the Toyota, dives into the back seat
             just in time.
 
             Juana steers Cheo towards the Toyota…slams him against
             the car–Mi Tio Driving School sign slides off the roof as
             they share a slurpy, noisy, hip-grinding kiss.
                                                       
             Deep within the abyss of the tiny back seat floor,Paco growls,
             bites into his binoculars…CRUNCH, CRUNCH.
 
                                      **
 
             Inside the Law Offices of the damned and desolate…
 
             Manny and Gisela sit across from each other. He rips off
             his glasses, rubs his eyes.
 
                                      GISELA
                           Thanks for posting bail for us,
                           Manny. I’ll write you a check…
 
             She reaches for her purse…
 
                                      MANNY
                           Uh, I don’t think your check
                           will be any good, Gisela.
 
                                      GISELA
                           Don’t be silly.
 
             She begins to write…
 
                                      MANNY
                           Your accounts have been frozen.
                           Not that there was any money in
                           them anyway.
 
             He flips open a file, points to paperwork.
 
                                      GISELA
                           Wha…wha…
 
                                      MANNY
                           I’m sorry.
 
                                      GISELA
                           What am I supposed to do? How
                           am I supposed to pay my bills?

             She gawks at zero-balance bank statements.
 
                                      GISELA
                           Are you saying Paco took the
                           money?
 
             Nod.
 
                                      GISELA
                           There must be some mistake.
 
                                      MANNY
                           I’m sorry, Gisela.
 
             WAAAH!
 
             Manny jumps out of his chair. He leads her to the sofa,
             hands her a bottle of water.
 
                                      MANNY
                           It’ll be okay, I promise.
 
             She grabs his hand.
 
             He looks down in disbelief…then longing.
 
                                      GISELA
                           How can he do this to me? Why
                           would he do this to me?
 
             He scoots in closer, wraps an arm around her…
 
                                      MANNY
                           Who knows why people do the
                           things they do.
 
             Their eyes meet…flashes of lightening spark…and begin
             to smoke.


 
                                      GISELA
                           You’re so wonderful, Manny. I
                           don’t know how to thank you.
 
             Manny smiles; he’s about to say…
 
                                      GISELA
                           You’re a great friend.
 
             The smokey connection breaks. Disappointed, he stands…
 
             He paces, gathers his thoughts. Back to business.
 
                                      MANNY
                           Do you need a loan?

                                      GISELA
                           Oh, no Manny…I still owe you
                           for bail, your fees and–
 
                                      MANNY
                           I need you to focus. We have a
                           battle ahead of us.
 
             She nods, looks away. Misery engulfs her.
 
                                      MANNY
                           I could use some help around
                           here. Would you consider
                           working for me–typing, filing,
                           answering phones?
 
             She shoots out of the sofa.
 
                                      GISELA
                           You would do that for me?
 
                                      MANNY
                           You’d be helping me out. My
                           secretary is out on maternity
                           leave and well, look at this
                           place.
 
             She wraps her arms around him.
 
             He’s shocked, but only for a moment. He snorts in her hair,
             his eyes roll back in his head…
 
             She pulls away.
 
                                      GISELA
                           When do I start?
 
             RING, RING…phone. Manny recovers, sort of.
 
                                      MANNY
                           How about now?
 
                                    **

             Inside Juana’s seductive den of bling…
 
             Paco paces the living room. Juana stretches her long legs on the
             sleek, modern sofa.
 
                                      PACO
                           Te amo, baby. I came back just
                           for you.
 
             Juan slips off her stilettos, wiggles pedicured toes.

                                      PACO
                           Go pack.
 
             Juan runs a hand over her legs, admiring them. So does Paco.
 
                                      PACO
                           What are you waiting for?
 
             She crosses her legs, sighs.
 
                                      JUANA
                           Show me the love, papi.
 
                                      PACO
                           Do you know what I went through
                           to be with you?
 
                                      JUANA
                           Tell me, papi. Better yet, show
                           me.
 
                                      PACO
                           I left my wife for you.
 
                                      JUANA
                           Poor chica, what will she do
                           without you?
 
                                      PACO
                           What more do you want from me,
                           eh? I give you everything.
 
             Paco’s eyes drift to the metallic briefcase.
 
             Juana spots his glance, hungrily glares at the briefcase like a
             Weight Watcher’s dropout eyeing McDonald’s golden arches…
                                       JUANA
                           Is it in there?
 
             She lunges for the briefcase. He blocks her path, grabs it
             first.
 
                                      JUANA
                           It’s in there, isn’t it? Give
                           it to me.
 
                                      PACO
                           Never come near this briefcase
                           again; do you understand?
 
                                      JUANA
                           Hmmm. What are you hiding in
                           there?

             He digs inside his pocket.
 
                                      PACO
                           This is what you want.
 
             He slips her a red velvet box. Juana jumps up and down,
             slaps her arms around him…
 
             But her eyes stay fixed on the briefcase.
 
                                    **
 
             Manny grabs his briefcase off the desk…

             Gisela files…
 
             Manny heads for the door…
 
                                      MANNY
                           I’ve got to go to court, be
                           back in the afternoon. If you
                           need me–
 
                                      GISELA
                           Hopefully, you’ll need me for a
                           change.
 
             Hesitation…
 
                                      MANNY
                           I do need you, Gisela. More
                           than you’ll ever know.
 
             They lock eyes…
 
             Gisela is the first to break away, shuffles paperwork.
 
             Manny sighs…heads out the door.
 
             Gisela waits until he’s gone, fans herself with a file.
 
             The door swings open…
 
             The chicas march through the door.
 
                                      CRISTINA
                                (to Gisela)
                           Did you find the murder weapon
                           yet?
 
                                      MARIA ELENA
                           For the millionth time, Manny
                           didn’t kill his wife.

                                      GISELA
                           I’m so grateful Manny gave me
                           this job.
 
                                      TIA MARGARITA
                           It’s good to stay busy when
                           your husband takes all your
                           money and runs off with a puta.
                           Okay, time for lunch.
 
             She rips open tupperware.
 
                                      TIA MARGARITA
                           I made ropa vieja.
 
                                      GISELA
                           Manny loves ropa vieja.
 
             Chicas share a look, shrug. Cristina opens drawers–she’s
             looking for that murder weapon–heads for a file cabinet by
             the window.
 
             She looks out at the parking lot, points…
 
                                      CRISTINA
                           Look. Some idiot is getting
                           towed.
 
                                      MARIA ELENA
                           I didn’t park in the handicap
                           spot, did I? I can’t find my
                           decal anywhere.
 
             The chicas stare out the window.
 
                                      GISELA
                           That’s my Escalade!
 
             A pearl White Escalade sporting spinning, shiny rims,
             hooked up to a tow truck, races out of the parking lot.
 
 
                                      **
 
             Manny drives; Gisela sits in the passenger seat, blows her
             nose.
 
                                      GISELA
                           Thanks for the ride, Manny.
 
                                      MANNY
                           Thank you for finishing the
                           day. You got a lot done, even
                           with…

             She blows her nose again.
 
                                      MANNY
                           Those distractions.
 
                                      GISELA
                           He insisted on paying the
                           bills. How could I know?
 
                                      MANNY
                           No late notices? Collection
                           notices?
 
                                      GISELA
                           Paco changed our mailing
                           address to a P.O. box–said
                           someone was trying to steal his
                           identity. Waaah!
 
                                      MANNY
                           I doubt anyone would want to be him.
 
                                      GISELA
                                (sniff, sniff)
                           Six months since I’ve gotten my
                           Victoria Secrets catalog.

             Manny stares at her…envisions her lounging in the passenger seat
             wearing a pink teddy, a garter belt peeks out…homeboy is shaken to the core. 
 
             Gisela points to the windshield.
 
                                      GISELA
                           Are they arresting me again?

             Manny tears his eyes away, spots a Sheriff’s patrol car parked in her
             driveway–he snaps out of the lust coma.

 
             Sheriff heads for the front door, snaps a padlock on the
             door handle, slaps a sticker on the door: “FORECLOSURE”.

            To be continued…

Advertisements
No comments yet

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: