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April 5, 2011

My homeboy asked me, “You think I can do 100 push-ups without stopping?”

“Hell nah.  You gotta stop at least once.  So stop at this liquor store right here.”

He pulled the car over, stopped.

I got my brew and came back, “Now drop down and gimme a hundred.”

He dropped, did 50 push-ups and collapsed.

We got back in the car and took off, “My bad.  You needed two stops.  What else you wanna build up?”

“My biceps.  You think I can pump iron and turn these bad boys into rock?”

“I don’t know.  I gotta see your form.  So pull up to this gas station and pump 50 dollars worth of gas.”

“You gonna help me with some cash?”

“That’d be like me helping you when you pump that iron.  Hell nah.”

He pumped the gas and we took off.

“Judging by how sad you got when you pumped that gas and paid the cashier, ain’t no way you can pump iron without your form breaking down.  What else you wanna build up?”

“My stamina.”

“I ain’t never seen you run, homeboy – run this red light right here.”


“If you can’t run a light sitting down in your car, how the hell you ever gonna run for real?”

He ran the light…a cop hit his siren and lights.

My homeboy got bug-eyed, “Now what?”

“Now sprint, motherfvcker!”

I jumped out.  Last I saw, homie and his car were sprinting wayyyyy up the block…so he can definitely run.


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