Skip to content

Miss Super Burrito! (Ch 10) The Price of Beauty

April 3, 2011

 MISS SUPER BURRITO!

A Novella

By

Corona Cabronisimo          

            Beauty poses in front of Alma’s closet mirror, holds a
             way-too-small, one-piece, bathing suit against her
             so-not-size-two body.
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           This one fits the judges’ eyes
                           every time.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Does it fit your — body?
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           Of course.
 
             No frickin’ way.
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           You don’t believe me?  Watch.
 
             LATER
 
             Alma stands outside closet door.
 
             BOOM!  THUMP!  From inside the closet.
 
                                      ALMA
                           You okay?
 
                                      BEAUTY
                                (angry)
                           I’m fine!
 
             BOOM!  BOOM!  THUMP!
 
                                      ALMA
                           You sure?
 
             No response.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Beauty?
 
             Nothing.
 
             Alma reaches for the doorknob.
 
             BOOM!!!!  The door crashes open, Beauty spills out,
             one-piece wrapped tightly around her neck as she struggles
             to breathe.
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           Help.
 
             LATER
 
             Alma and Beauty stand in front of the closet mirror.

             Beauty checks out a red burn ring around her
             neck…imprinted into the redness:
 
                                    Made in Mexico
 
             Beauty stares at the one-piece on the dresser.
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           It must’a shrunk in the wash.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Or you’ve stretched like you
                           stretch the truth.
 
             Beauty doesn’t like that.
 
             Alma hands her a wet suit.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Try that.  One size fits all.
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           What about you?
 
                                      ALMA
                           Don’t worry about me.  So
                           what’s your talent?
 
             A confident, evil smile slowly forms on Beauty’s face.
 
                                       **
 
             Beauty akwardly stretches her chubby limbs in Alma’s backyard.  Alma watches.
 
                                      ALMA
                           C’mon, what’s your talent?
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           Hold on hold on, you’ll see.
 
             Beauty finishes, semi-squats, prepares to run.
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           I’m a do a double cartwheel
                           into a triple backflip and
                           stick the landing.
 
                                      ALMA
                           A double cartwheel into a
                           triple backflip and stick the
                           landing?
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           Yeah.

             Hell no, not with that body.
 
                                      ALMA
                                (sarcastic)
                           Can you make it a quadruple
                           backflip?
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           Sure.
 
             Beauty sprints.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Wait, I was just —
 
             Beauty plants her palms on the ground, tumbles like a hard-boiled
             egg…BOOM!  Face smashes into the wooden fence. SPLAT! She lies
             sprawled on her back.
 
             Splattered on the fence, an imprint of a “clown’s” face, its mouth and
             eyes wide open.
 
             She sits up, shakes the cobwebs…surprisingly still has
             plenty of make-up on her face.
 
             Splinters stick out of her forehead.
 
                                      ALMA
                           — playing.  I was just playing.
 
             Alma rushes to her aid.
 
                                      ALMA
                           You okay?
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           Yeah.  I mis-judged the wind
                           factor.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Stupid wind.  What would you
                           say if I told you I had the
                           perfect talent for you?
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           Is it better than what I just
                           did?
 
             Alma stares.
 
                                       **
 
             Cruz and vault pole hustle up to a sporting goods
             store…she doubles-over, catches her breath.

             She turns…
 
             A bus pulls up to the bus stop.
 
             A sign plastered on the side of the bus promotes a movie,
             portrays a picture of the devil.
 
             TAGLINE READS:
 
                              THE DEVIL LOVES THE BLIND
 
             Cruz crosses herself, rushes into the store.
 
             She makes a bee-line to Dorky Manager…he takes his job
             VERY VERY seriously.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Hi.  I’d like to return this.
 
                                      DORKY MANAGER
                           Sure.  May I see your receipt?
 
             She hands it to him.
 
             He holds it up to the light, studies it to make sure it
             isn’t counterfeit.
 
             Cruz: “Really?”
 
             He sniffs it…slowly…from one end to the other.
 
             Cruz stares.
 
             He dabs it with his tongue, absorbs the taste.
 
             Cruz’s eyes widen.
 
             He stares at Cruz hard, long.
 
             Cruz takes back, almost afraid.
 
             He picks up the phone, dials and speaks low but Cruz can
             still hear him.
 
                                      DORKY MANAGER
                           Bring the scale.
 
             He hangs up.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Is something wrong?
 
                                      DORKY MANAGER
                           You tell me.

                                       **
 
             Alma plucks the last splinter from Beauty’s forehead.
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           Ow.
 
                                      ALMA
                           All done.
 
             Blood beads form.
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           Do I still look hot?  A ten?
 
                                      ALMA
                           I’d rate you as sweaty right
                           now.
 
             Beauty smiles…then loses the smile.
 
                                      ALMA
                           You need to do something that
                           doesn’t involve so much
                           athleticism, Beauty.
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           You mean no running or flipping?
 
                                      ALMA
                           Or moving
 
             Beauty doesn’t get it.
 
                                      ALMA
                           — at all.  Wait here.
 
             Beauty slumps.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Fix your posture.  It’s been
                           hurting my bladder all day.
 
             She straightens.
 
             Alma scans the yard.
 
             She spots it…in a short tree: a NEST.
 
             She plucks it, returns to Beauty whose posture has gone
             south again.

                                      ALMA
                           You must really want me to pee
                           on you.
 
             Beauty straightens.
 
             Alma rips out the bottom of the nest, places the nest on
             Beauty’s head like a crown.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Perfect.  Don’t move.
 
             She scans the yard again…spots it: a FLASHLIGHT.
 
             She snatches it, turns it on, returns to Beauty who slumps
             again.
 
             She shoots her a look.
 
             Beauty straightens.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Hold this.
 
             Beauty takes the flashlight.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Raise it up.
 
             Beauty raises it chest high.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Higher.
 
             She raises it above her shoulder.
 
                                      ALMA
                           As high as you can.
 
             She raises it straight up.
 
             Alma steps back, gazes at Beauty in amazement.
 
                                      ALMA
                           You look beautiful, just like
                           her.
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           Like who?
 
                                      ALMA
                           The Statue Of Liberty.

                                      BEAUTY
                                (believes it)
                           I FEEL beautiful like her.
 
             Beauty rips a thunderous, five-second fart.
 
                                      ALMA
                           What happened to silent heat?
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           I’m the land of the free now.
 
                                      ALMA
                           That’s a whole lotta land.
 
                                       **
 
             Cruz and Dorky Manager face-off at the checkout counter.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Can we hurry this up please?
 
             An Employee hustles up, sets a small, digital weigh-scale
             on the counter.
 
                                      DORKY MANAGER
                           Sure.
 
             Dorky Manager eyeballs Cruz like a detective eyes a serial
             killer…he rests receipt on the scale.
 
             Scale’s digits switch from “.000000000” to “.000000002.”
 
             Dorky Manager’s eyes widen…he’s witnessed a hideous crime.
 
             Cruz takes back, afraid, but doesn’t know why.
 
                                      DORKY MANAGER
                           It’s overweight one
                           duckaductrum.  Did you wet this?
 
                                      CRUZ
                           No.
 
                                      DORKY MANAGER
                           Did you read a sad book and
                           weep on it?
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Of course not.
 
                                      DORKY MANAGER
                           Did you have hot sex with
                           another woman and sweat on it?

                                      CRUZ
                           No!
 
                                      DORKY MANAGER
                           Why’s it overweight?
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Wait a minute.  Are you
                           implying I’m trying to pass a
                           fake receipt?
 
                                      DORKY MANAGER
                           I’M not implying anything.  The
                           tests will determine that.
                                (to Employee)
                           Bring the dog.
 
             Cruz leans back, more afraid.
 
                                        **
 
             Beauty strikes the Statue of Liberty pose.  Alma
             looks on.
 
                                      ALMA
                           We really should get going.
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           What about your mom?
 
                                      ALMA
                           She’ll be there.  I know my mom.
 
             Alma walks on, Beauty doesn’t budge.
 
                                      ALMA
                           You coming?
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           I gotta practice more.
 
             Alma sits…watches…and watches…Beauty practice…doing
             nothing.
 
                                      **
 
             Cruz, Dorky Manager and the Employee stand at the checkout
             stand.
 
             The Dorky Manager holds a DOG on a leash…Dog sniffs the
             receipt on the ground, suddenly squats and pees.
 
                                      EMPLOYEE
                           Ohhhh that’s not good.

                                      DORKY MANAGER
                           Nope, not good, not good.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           What?  Because some dog pees,
                           my receipt’s fake?
 
                                      DORKY MANAGER
                           We can’t completely rely on the
                           dog, ma’am, but we WILL find
                           out.
                                (whispers to
                                 Employee, top
                                 secret)
                           Bring the box.
 
             The Employee takes back, his eyes widen.
 
                                      EMPLOYEE
                           The box?
 
                                      DORKY MANAGER
                           Yes — THE BOX.
 
             Cruz really takes back.

To be continued…

*No part of this novella may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems without permission in writing from the author.    
Advertisements
No comments yet

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: