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Miss Super Burrito! (Ch 9) The Devil is Hot!

March 25, 2011

                     

                                           MISS SUPER BURRITO!

                                                     A Novella

                                                               By

                                              Corona Cabronisimo 

            Cruz hustles past the bus stop bench, vault pole in
             hand…she slows.
 
             Her vision blurs…clears…blurs.
 
             THUMP!  She drives the pole into a Blind Man’s seeing-eye
             dog.
 
             WHIMPER!  The dog flips onto his back, ends up unconscious
             like an effed-up stuffed animal.
 
             Blind Man stops.
 
                                      BLIND MAN
                           What’s going on?  What happened?
 
             Cruz’s vision clears.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           My God!  I knocked out your
                           dog!  I’m sorry!
 
                                      BLIND MAN
                           What?!  Are you blind?!  How?!
 
                                      CRUZ
                           With my — pole vault pole.
 
                                      BLIND MAN
                           Pole vault pole?  Can’t you use
                           a cane like everyone else?!
 
                                      CRUZ
                           I’m sorry.
 
                                      BLIND MAN
                           Is he gonna be okay?
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Yes.  He’s napping.
 
             The dog SNORES…loud.
 
             Cruz has just gotta ask:
 
                                      CRUZ
                           How is it?
 
                                      BLIND MAN
                           How’s what?
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Being blind.  How’d you end up
                           like that?
 
             Blind Man relaxes, likes the question…it’s weird.

                                      BLIND MAN
                           You really wanna know?
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Yes.
 
             Blind Man taps his cane on the ground as he drags his dog
             ten yards to the bench and sits.
 
                                      BLIND MAN
                                (to Cruz)
                           Sit.
 
                                        **
 
             A blow dryer screams…

             Alma, sporting the whale T-shirt, blow-dries Pit Bull,
             the canine popsicle, on her bedroom dresser.
 
             Pitbull shivers.
 
             She spots her reflection in the mirror; she stares.
 
             The blow-dryer remains fixed on the same spot on Pit Bull’s
             fur.
 
             Alma smiles, likes her reflection.  She’s gaining
             confidence.
 
             Blow-dried spot begins to turn orange.
 
             Pit Bull WHIMPERS, scampers away.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Sorry!
 
             A cell phone rings…the ringtone is “Tears of a Clown” by
             Smokey Robinson.
 
             Alma eyes the caller ID:
 
                                        BEAUTY
 
                                      ALMA
                                (to herself,
                                 bothered)
                           Mom.
 
             She speaks into the phone.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Hi, Beauty…What?!
 
             Alma eyes the clock on the nightstand: “4:50.”
 
                                      ALMA
                           I’ll be right there!

             She races out.
 
                                      **
 
             Cruz and Blind Man sit on the bus stop bench…seeing-eye
             dog lies on his back…SNORES.
 
                                      BLIND MAN
                           And that’s when the monkey
                           threw his feces in my eyes.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Is that when you went blind?
 
                                      BLIND MAN
                           No.  It was after my daughter
                           hit me with hers.  Monkey see
                           monkey do I guess.  But being
                           blind has it’s blessings, ya’
                           know?
 
             Cruz crosses herself, hope fills her eyes.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           It does?
 
                                      BLIND MAN
                           Yes.  It’s always dark in my
                           world — real dark — black —
                           pitch black.
 
             Cruz is losing hope.
 
                                      BLIND MAN
                           With fire — and torture.
 
             An evil grin forms on Blind Man’s face.
 
                                      BLIND MAN
                           You wanna meet the devil, lady?
 
             Cruz leans away, clutches the cross around her neck.
 
                                      BLIND MAN
                           He loves three-somes.
 
             A bus approaches, Cruz snaps to her feet.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Your bus is here.
 
             Blind Man snaps to his feet.

                                      BLIND MAN
                           Me and the devil don’t ride the
                           bus.
 
             Bus doors slide open — handsome Bus Driver sits behind the
             wheel.
 
                                      BLIND MAN
                           C’mon.  Think of it like a
                           spicy sandwich.  He likes the
                           buns.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Get away from me!
 
                                      BUS DRIVER
                                (to Cruz)
                           You okay?
 
                                      CRUZ
                           No!  He’s evil!
 
             Blind Man grins.
 
             Bus Driver waves Cruz inside.
 
             Cruz holds up the pole: “What about this?”
 
             Bus Driver waves her on even faster.
 
             Cruz hops onto the first step, pole sticks out of the bus.
 
             Blind Man speaks at where he thinks Cruz still stands.
 
                                      BLIND MAN
                           You know you want it, tramp.
 
             Bus rumbles off.
 
             Blind Man faces the noise…sprints after the bus, drags
             his dog behind.
 
                                        **
 
             Hunchback stands in front of Beauty, Lips and Legs on the
             Super Burrito dance floor.
 
             Hunchback studies the clock over the DJ booth: “5:20.”
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           I guess I’m down to my three
                           finalists and you ladies don’t
                           even hafta—

             Alma bursts through restaurant’s back door, slides into her
             regular place at the head of the line, and nervously tugs
             at her blacked-out whale T-shirt.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Sorry I’m late.  Pit Bull
                           almost turned into an ice cube.
                           I hadda blow-dry — never mind.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           Like they say, better late than
                           never.  Nice T-shirt.  How’d it
                           go at the meeting?
 
                                      ALMA
                           Wonderful.  The people were
                           great.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           But so unattractive.  We go to
                           the same orgies together but
                           nobody ever picks us.  Hell, we
                           don’t even pick each other.  We
                           just get naked, get dressed and
                           go home.
 
             Hunchback whips out a picture of Alma sitting in a circle
             at the hunchback meeting.
 
             Alma’s surprised by the picture.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Eeyyy how’d you—
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           That’s not important.  I wanted
                           to see if you’d actually go and
                           socialize.
 
             Hunchback grins, checks off her clipboard, moves in front
             of Beauty.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           Did you enjoy yourself?
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           I didn’t really get to mingle
                           much, none actually.
 
             Hunchback whips out another picture: Lips sits in on the
             hunchback meeting — Beauty and Legs are nowhere to be
             found.

                                      HUNCHBACK
                           Because you didn’t go?
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           I did.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           Why aren’t you in the picture?
 
             Beauty points herself out…a colorful dot in the picture’s
             corner.
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           That’s me right there.
 
             Hunchback studies the dot closely.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           That’s a clown.
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           No, it’s me.
 
             Hunchback holds the picture next to Beauty’s face, nods,
             checks off clipboard.
 
             She passes by Lips, checks off clipboard.
 
             She stops in front of Legs, holds up picture.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           Did you go?
 
             Legs points to an empty chair.
 
                                      LEGS
                                (nods, whispers)
                           That’s me right there.  I was
                           invisible.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                                (plays along)
                           Ohhhhhh like the invisible
                           homegirl you brought in?
 
                                      LEGS
                           Exactly.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           Barry White!
 
             Barry White rushes in.

                                      BARRY WHITE
                           Yes, Nina?
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           Get rid of this piece a crap.
 
             Barry White snatches Beauty.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           Not her!
 
             He releases her.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           Her!
 
             Legs runs out.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           And then there were three.
 
             Alma and Barry White lock eyes…share a smile.
 
             Hunchback scoots in between, faces Alma.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           Congratulations.  Now comes the
                           fun part, ladies.  This will be
                           your basic three-part beauty
                           pageant competition.
 
             She hands Alma the competition rules.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           The swimsuit competition.
 
             Alma swallows…hard.
 
             Hunchback hands Beauty a copy of the rules.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           The talent competition.
 
             Beauty looks up…oh crap.
 
             Hunchback hands Lips the rules.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           And the question and answer
                           competition.
 
             Lips looks up with confidence.

                                      HUNCHBACK
                           Any questions?
 
                                      ALMA
                           What kind’a swimsuit and what
                           type’a talent?
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           That’s up to you.
 
                                        **
 
             The bus sits next to a park.
 
             Handsome Bus Driver turns off the engine but leaves the
             door open.
 
             Cruz sits up front, across from him, vault pole sticks out
             the door…she loooooves his male company.
 
                                      BUS DRIVER
                           Sure you don’t want me to drop
                           you off first?  I can.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           I got time.  Thank you for
                           saving me back there.
 
                                      BUS DRIVER
                           It was nothin’.
 
             Bus Driver grins, takes off his work shirt, drapes it over
             the steering wheel.
 
                                      BUS DRIVER
                           Don’t wanna stain it.
 
             Cruz gawks…his muscular body sits tightly wrapped beneath
             a muscle shirt.  Ay, ay, ay.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Of course.
 
             He pulls a sandwich from a lunch pail.
 
                                      BUS DRIVER
                           Would you like some?
 
             Cruz can’t take her eyes off of his pecs, which continually
             flex…
 
             First one pec…the other.
 
             They dance…conga, waltz…wow.

             She crosses herself — sheer heaven.
 
             He offers again.
 
                                      BUS DRIVER
                           Want some?
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Yes.  I mean no!  Thank you.
 
             Bus Driver lights a red candle on the dash, sets sandwich
             on red table-cloth.
 
                                      BUS DRIVER
                           So what’s your name?
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Cruz.
 
                                      BUS DRIVER
                           That’s hot.
 
             Cruz’s breaths deepen, her eyes devour his body.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           What’s yours?
 
                                      BUS DRIVER
                           Lu-seh.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Lu-seh?  That’s different.
 
             Bus Driver pulls out a thermos labeled:
 
                                        6 6 6
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Lu-seh what?
 
                                      BUS DRIVER
                           Fir.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Fir?
 
                                      BUS DRIVER
                           Yeah.  Lucifer.
 
             He spins off thermos cap, pours blood on the sandwich.
 
             Whoa.
 
             He offers her the bloody meal.

                                      BUS DRIVER
                           Sure you don’t want some?
 
             She snatches her pole, darts onto the sidewalk, races away…
            
 
             Bus Driver sports an evil grin, bites into the
             sandwich…blood leaks out of the corners of his mouth.

             To be continued…

*No part of this novella may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems without permission in writing from the author.    
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