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Corporate Jungle (Ch 5) Blind Amor

March 12, 2011

            

                                  CORPORATE JUNGLE

                                        A Novella

                                                 By

                                            Yoly Solis                            

              Inside CHUCK “CHOCOLATE” CANTINA…
 
             Janice blows into a paper bag. Cantina patrons calmly
             observe her hysteria.
 
                                      CHUCK
                           Happens all the time around
                           here. Hell, I’ve been kidnapped
                           seven times.
 
                                      ARTURO
                           Eight times, jefe.
 
                                      CHUCK
                           Yeah, eight times. No big deal.
                           Small price to pay to live in
                           paradise.
 
             Janice tears bag off her face.
 
                                      JANICE
                           No big deal? How can you say
                           that? What if they hurt him?
                           I,…I love this man.
 
                                      CANTINA PATRONS
                           Oooooh.
 
                                      CHUCK
                           Calm down. Once the ransom is
                           paid–
 
                                      JANICE
                           Ransom?
 
             José sits at their table, chugs his beer.
 
                                      JOSÉ
                           No ransom note. I check already.
 
                                      JANICE
                                (to José)
                           Why are you sitting here? Why
                           aren’t you looking for Horatio?
 
                                      JOSÉ
                           I no know where to look.
 
                                      JANICE
                           Stop drinking while on duty.
 
                                      CHUCK
                           It’s his duty to drink, hombre.
 
                                      JOSÉ
                           Si, hombre.

                                      JANICE
                                (to Chuck)
                           Who are you anyway?
 
                                      CHUCK
                           My name is Chuck. They call me
                           Chocolate.
                                (choke-oh-latte)
 
                                      CANTINA PATRONS
                                (toast)
                           Chocolate!
 
                                      CHUCK
                           So what’s your name, pretty
                           lady?
 
             Janice digs inside her briefcase…
 
                                      JANICE
                           Huh? Oh. Janice…Janice
                           Johnson.
 
                                      CANTINA PATRONS
                                (toast)
                           Yanice Yohnson!
 
                                      JANICE
                                (to patrons)
                           Janice. My name Janice.
 
                                      CANTINA PATRONS
                           Yanice!
 
                                      JANICE
                                (flips through
                                 binder)
                           There’s got to be something in
                           the Travel Rules and Regs…
 
                                      CHUCK
                           All you can do now is wait. The
                           kidnappers will contact you.
 
                                      JANICE
                           Unacceptable.
 
             Flips pages of binder…
 
                                      CHUCK
                           Unacceptable?
                                (chuckle, chuckle)
                           Hombre, haven’t heard that word
                           in a while.

                                      CANTINA PATRONS
                           Unacceptable!
 
                                      JANICE
                           Here..here it is. Local
                           authorities must be notified
                           immediately of alleged criminal
                           activity. Copy of Complaint
                           must be translated to English
                           and submitted to corporate
                           legal department accompanied by
                           detailed cover letter
                           explaining incident. Copies to
                           immediate supervisor and Human
                           Resources…
 
                                      CHUCK
                                (chuckle)
                           Ah…the corporate life.
 
                                      JANICE
                           What do you know about
                           corporations?
 
             Chuck shrugs innocently.
 
                                      JANICE
                           José, take me to the nearest
                           police station, pronto.
 
                                      JOSÉ
                           I just go to bathroom–
 
                                      JANICE
                           Later. We’re leaving now.
 
             She heads out…
 
                                      CHUCK
                           The police can’t help you.
 
             She’s gone. José gulps the last of his beer, adjusts his
             chili pepper spray and machete, waddles behind.
 
                                      ARTURO
                                (to Chuck)
                           Jefe, she berry, berry crazy.
 
                                      CHUCK
                           Arturo, she’s corporate–crazy
                           is a job requirement.
 
             Inside EL POLICIA MUNICIPAL, a multi-hundred-year old building
             left behind by the Spaniards ’cause they couldn’t take it with them…

             Janice stands in a line three-deep behind a counter facing
             a YOUNG POLICEMAN.
 
             José hops from one foot to another.
 
                                      JOSÉ
                           I go to bathroom.
 
                                      JANICE
                           Fine.
 
                                      JOSÉ
                                (hands her heavy
                                 belt)
                           I be right back.
 
             Janice fumbles with the load; belt drops to the ground.
             Chili pepper spray can rolls away…
 
             She chases it, picks it up and…
 
             Oops. Nozzle breaks off.
 
                                      YOUNG POLICEMAN
                           Próximo.
                                (Next)
 
             Janice tries to screw nozzle back on…
 
                                      YOUNG POLICEMAN
                                (louder)
                           Próximo.
 
                                      JANICE
                           Uh, yeah…Si…
 
             She drops belt and weapons on the counter.
 
                                      JANICE
                           Mi jefe desapareció y…
                                (My boss disappeared
                                 and…)

           Accents can be terrifying…
 
                                      YOUNG POLICEMAN
                           Capitán…Capitán!
 
             EL Capitán, sports a Pancho Villa mustache over an
             intimidating scowl.
 
                                      YOUNG POLICEMAN
                           Por favor, Capitán…
                                (points to Janice)
 
             Capitán rolls his eyes.

                                      CAPITÁN
                                (to Janice)
                           May I help you?
 
                                      JANICE
                           You speak English.
 
                                      CAPITÁN
                           No. I don’t speak English.
 
                                      JANICE
                           But you just–
 
                                      CAPITÁN
                                (annoyed as hell)
                           What can I do for you, Miss?
 
                                      JANICE
                           Oh. Well, you see, Horatio
                           disappeared…but the waiter
                           told me he was shoved inside a
                           limo–
 
                                      CAPITÁN
                           Why did you bring these weapons
                           into a police station?
 
                                      JANICE
                           What? You mean this stuff?
 
                                      CAPITÁN
                           It is a violation of municipal
                           code numero dos-treinta-y-siete
                           to bring  weapons into an
                           official police precinct.
 
                                      JANICE
                                (holds up spray can)
                           No…you see, this belongs to
                           José  and it’s hair spray, with
                           chili peppers I think…
 
             PSSSSSSST!
 
             Can spits a stream right into Capitán’s eyes.
 
             AAAAAAH! He screams like a wild animal.
 
                                      JANICE
                           Oh my God!
 
             Can spews a powerful, four-foot stream. She clutches the
             can with both hands…

             A COP approaches; She turns, blasts him in the face…
 
             Another COP points a gun. Too late…spray hits right in
             the eyes…
 
             The screams are deafening.
 
             Another Cop…they writhe on the floor.
 
             José exits the bathroom. He almost gets sprayed, too, until
             Janice snatches the machete…
 
             Poses an El Zorro, splits the spray can in half…it
             fizzles out.
 
                                      JOSÉ
                           Is time for cerveza.
 
           To be continued…

*No part of this novella may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems without permission in writing from the author.    
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