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Miss Super Burrito! (Ch 4) Hunchback

February 20, 2011

                        

                       MISS SUPER BURRITO!

                                 A Novella

                                           By

                            Corona Cabronisimo

             Back at the bus stop…
 
             Cruz and Alma sit on the bench.
 
             A turtle-neck sweater only adds to Alma’s misery — she
             tugs at its collar, fans herself.
 
             A mature, Mexican, female Hunchback sits alongside…smiles
             at them.
 
             Cruz returns the look, her vision blurs…
 
             The hump on Hunchback transforms into a filthy 3-year-old
             brat who sticks out his tongue at Cruz and Alma.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           Hi.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Hi.
 
                                      CRUZ
                                (whispers to Alma)
                           Don’t let the brat distract
                           you.  Stay focused.
 
                                      ALMA
                                (whispers back)
                           What brat?
 
                                      CRUZ
                           The one on her back.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Thats a hump, mom.
 
             Cruz shakes her head, blinks…blinks again.
 
             The brat melts back into the hump.
 
                                      CRUZ
                                (mouths)
                           Whoa!
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                                (to Alma)
                           Aren’t you hot?  I mean with
                           the turtle-neck and all?
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Aren’t you supposed to be
                           ringing a church bell?  I mean
                           with the kid on your back and
                           all?

             Hunchback looks away, slides to the edge of the bench: HMMP!
 
             Alma looks down, embarrassed.
 
             Cruz sits upright, proud.
 
             The bus pulls up, doors slide open.  Handsome Bus Driver at
             the wheel.
 
                                      BUS DRIVER
                           Hey, it’s you.  Where’s your
                           pole?
 
                                      CRUZ
                           At home.
 
                                      BUS DRIVER
                           That your daughter?
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Yes — my Alma.
 
                                      BUS DRIVER
                           Your Alma don’t pack silent
                           heat, does she?  The passengers
                           hadda toss the little fat one
                           from earlier out the window
                           because she released silent
                           heat that turned into loud cow
                           shit.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Of course not.
 
                                      BUS DRIVER
                           Let’s ride.
 
                                      **
 
             Bus pulls up in front of a classy establishment in
             comparison to the rest of the neighborhood.
 
             On its rooftop, sits a sign:
 
                                    SUPER BURRITO!
 
             Alma and Cruz step out of the bus, stare at the sign.
 
             Hunchback steps out, walks on.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Just checking it out, right?

                                      CRUZ
                           Right, just checking it out.
 
             Cruz hands Alma a pencil.
 
             Alma studies it.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           In case you wanna sign up.
 
             Alma heads towards the restaurant.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Wait.
 
             Cruz takes the pencil, snaps it in two, tosses the eraser
             half and hands back the other half.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           In case you wanna erase.
 
             Cruz heads towards the restaurant.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           C’mon.
 
                                   **
 
             Cruz and Alma enter the fine establishment…
 
             Empty hostess station, empty restaurant.
 
             Wall clock reads: “12:05” above two signs.
 
             FIRST SIGN:
 
              Happy Hour: 5:00-6:00 pm; Dinner: 6:00-8:00 pm

              Miss Super Burrito! contest: 8:00-10:00 pm
 
             SECOND SIGN:
 
                        Miss Super Burrito! sign-ups out back.
 
                                Are you SUPER enough?!
 
             Cruz looks Alma up and down…wonders: “Is Alma “SUPER”
             enough?”
 
             Cruz snatches a menu, hands it to Alma.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Order everything.
 
             Cruz heads towards the back, Alma follows.

                                      CRUZ
                           Waddle.
 
             Alma hesitates…waddles.
 
                                     **
 
             The restaurant’s back door opens…Cruz and Alma step out,
             onto a sunlit dance floor.
 
             Empty.  DJ booth vacant — a curtain stretched out across a
             side wall.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Guess we missed it.  Let’s go.
 
             Alma turns to leave.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           Hi!
 
             Alma stops, looks back, spots Hunchback: “Uh-oh.”
 
             Hunchback holds up a clipboard and a pencil.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           Ready to sign up?
 
                                      CRUZ
                           This isn’t a church and I don’t
                           see a bell around here.  You
                           and the boy following us?
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           I own the place.  What BOY?
 
             That’s it, Alma waddles away.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           Wait!  I’m not mad anymore!
 
             Alma stops.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                                (to Cruz)
                           You’re right — I can ring a
                           church bell.
                                (to Alma)
                           But I can also give you five
                           thousand dollars if you win my
                           contest.
 
             Alma’s jaw slacks.

             Cruz is hopeful.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           I only got two more spots.
  
             Restaurant’s back door flies open…Lucha leads Beauty onto
             the dance floor.
 
             Beauty’s clothes are partially torn…she grimaces,
             massages a shoulder.
 
                                      LUCHA
                           All right step aside.  Beauty’s
                           here.  Where do we sign up?
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                                (to Alma)
                           One spot.
 
             Lucha snatches clipboard and pencil.
 
             Hunchback slides the curtain open…four drop-dead,
             gorgeous señoritas and a gorgeous blonde sit at the bar and
             smile.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           Meet the competition.
 
             Lucha shrugs.
 
             Alma and Cruz gawk.
 
             Beauty squeezes Lucha’s arm, scared to death.
 
                                      BEAUTY
                           Mom, thei-thei-their thyroids
                           work.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           I thought you were looking for
                           Miss SUPER Burrito.
 
                                      HUNCHBACK
                           I am.
 
             That’s it, Alma waddles away.
 
                                      BEAUTY
                                (afraid)
                           Mom?
 
                                      LUCHA
                           Be quiet.  How do you spell
                           Beauty?

                                      BEAUTY
                                (almost in tears)
                           But mom?
 
             The fear in Beauty’s voice causes Alma to slow her
             waddle…to a stop…faces Beauty.
 
             Beauty searches Alma’s face for support.
 
             Lucha stops writing.
 
                                      LUCHA
                           We’re in!
 
             She hands clipboard and pencil back to Hunchback.
 
             A fine Bombshell approaches.
 
                                      BOMBSHELL
                           Is this where I sign up for the
                           contest?
 
             Hunchback stares at Alma.
 
             Beauty’s eyes plead for Alma to do something, anything.
 
             Alma stares at Beauty, at the fine contestants, at her
             mother who blinks, squints.
 
             She marches up to Hunchback, slides up her sleeves and
             stares at her plump forearms.
 
             She hesitates…pulls out the broken, eraser-less pencil
             her mother gave her and signs her name on the clipboard
             with an exclamation mark.
 
                                      ALMA
                                (to Bombshell)
                           We’re full.
 
             Alma and Cruz lock eyes.
 
             Cruz sighs, relieved, crosses herself…let the battle of
             the Super Burritos begin!

            To be continued…

*No part of this novella may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems without permission in writing from the author.    
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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Cindy Saldivar Slensker permalink
    February 20, 2011 7:50 pm

    I Love It.. I wonder what alma is gonna wear for the swimsuit competition! Epale’!!

    • MEXICAN HEART...ATTACK! permalink*
      February 20, 2011 8:15 pm

      Thank you for reading and thank you for the compliment, Cindy! There is definitely a swimsuit competition part! Unlike you’ve never seen! LOLOL!!!!

      Corona : )

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