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Miss Super Burrito! (Ch 2) Happy Heroine

February 6, 2011

                                                 

                                                   MISS SUPER BURRITO!

                                                              A Novella

                                                                       By

                                                           Corona Cabronisimo

                                                                          **
 
             Alma trudges into her girlie bedroom stuffed with soccer
             paraphernalia…bow still stuck to her head.
 
             She stops in front of a newspaper clipping tacked to the
             wall…
 
             HEADLINE:
 
                           WALRUS DIDN’T SAVE LITTLE GIRL!
 
             In the pic: Alma stands on the beach, chubbiness stuffed
             inside a grey wet-suit.  Next to Alma stands an Armless
             Little Girl.
 
             Alma sports a blank stare at the camera.  Poker-faced
             Armless Girl wears a one-piece bathing suit.
 
             PICTURE’S CAPTION:
 
            ALMA ESPINOZA, LEFT, FIRST THOUGHT TO BE
            A WALRUS, SAVES SWIMMER FROM SHARK ATTACK

            Alma plops down on the bed, faces the TV…
 
             Sees the reflection of the bow stuck on her head, yanks it
             off, tosses it.
 
             She turns on the TV, plays a DVR recorded newscast.
 
             As in newspaper pic on the beach, Alma and Armless Girl
             appear on TV screen…Alma still sports blank stare at
             camera.
 
             A Reporter waves a mic at Armless Girl’s face…
 
                                      REPORTER
                           Would you like to say something
                           to the nice young lady who
                           saved you?
 
                                      ARMLESS GIRL
                           I wish she would’n’ve.  I
                           wanted to grow up to be a sign
                           language teacher.  Now I gotta
                           sign with my eyes.  Can you
                           tell what I’m saying?
 
             Armless Girl twirls her eyes in their sockets.  What she’s
             saying is anybody’s guess…she stops.
 
                                      ARMLESS GIRL
                           Well?

                                      REPORTER
                           That you wish you could jump
                           rope?
 
                                      ARMLESS GIRL
                           No!
                                (to Alma)
                           That I wish I could punch this
                           fat hero in the face!
 
             Armless Girl runs off, trips, eats a face-full of sand.
 
             She hops to her feet — a used condom dangling from her left eye.
 
             WAAAAAH!  She races off.
 
             Reporter holds mic up to Alma who still sports blank stare
             at the camera.
 
                                      REPORTER
                           Would you like to respond, Miss?
 
                                      ALMA
                           Was that a sock?  

                                      
             Alma smiles, slaps a button on the TV…a live newscast
             appears on screen.
 
             Burnt-up taco truck family appears…Daughter’s head still
             smokes.
 
             The same Reporter holds a mic.
 
             Alma turns up the volume.
 
                                      REPORTER
                           Would you like to thank the
                           person who saved your family?
 
                                      MOTHER
                           I already did —
                                (stares directly
                                 into camera)
                           — but if you’re watching,
                           thanks again.
 
                                      ALMA
                                (smiles, whispers to
                                 TV)
                           You’re welcome.

                                      REPORTER
                           You do know your daughter’s
                           hair will never be the same,
                           right?
 
                                      MOTHER
                           Really?  I didn’t know.
 
             Reporter nods…signals to Cameraman.
 
             Cameraman pans Fire Chief, who stands next to Reporter.
             Fire Chief meekly removes his medal-clad Fire Chief Cap… 
             Nasty, scattered patches of hair grace his smoking scalp.
 
                                      REPORTER
                           Same thing happened to the Fire
                           Chief when we covered a
                           five-alarm fire and a spark
                           fell on his head.  His head’s
                           been smoking for weeks — might
                           never stop.
 
             Fire Chief slumps.
 
             Cameraman aims the camera back at the Mother who eyeballs
             her Daughter’s ugly, patchy, smoking head in horror.
 
             Mother glares into the camera, her face devours Alma’s
             entire TV screen.
 
             Alma leans back, afraid.
 
                                      MOTHER
                           You should’a let her flame up,
                           you round hero-bitch!
 
             Whoa!  Alma scoots backwards, up the bed.
 
             Mother grips a patch of her Daughter’s hair.
 
                                      MOTHER
                           Look at this shit!  She’s gonna
                           hafta wear buns from now on!
                           I’m gonna find you, and when I
                           do, I’m gonna burn you up, you—
 
             Alma shuts off the TV.
 
             THUMP, the tip of a pole vault pole bumps Alma’s head.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Ow.

             Cruz holds the other end of the pole from the doorway,
             a 2nd Place ribbon sits pinned to her blouse.                
                                                                   

                                       CRUZ
                           Sorry.  See what I mean, Alma?    

             Alma stares at the pole, at the ribbon: Confusion, confusion…
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Those aren’t accomplishments.
                           They’re embarrassments.  You
                           can save people all you want
                           but they’ll turn on you and
                           make you look bad.  Accomplish
                           something sexy or athletic,
                           like the pole vault here, like
                           I ALMOST did.  But please,
                           make – me – proud.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Wouldn’t graduating from
                           college make you proud?  I’ll
                           be the first in the family.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           It’s only me, you and Pit Bull.
                           We have no family.  And what’s
                           so sexy or athletic about
                           walking across a stage?
                           Anybody can do that.  Now
                           this —
 
             Cruz motions for Alma to take the pole.
 
                                      ALMA
                           No thanks.  I’ll never be able
                           to soar like you ALMOST did.
 
             Alma’s eyes drift to another newspaper clipping framed on
             the wall.
 
             Cruz follows her eyes, smiles…sort of.
 
             HEADLINE:
 
             CRUZ ESPINOZA MISSES TWO-FOOT VAULT — ALMOST SOARS
             TO VICTORY!

 
             The picture beneath shows a young Cruz going over the
             crossbar — a mere two feet off the ground.
 
             She wears her high school track uniform and a cape…her
             toes scrape the bar as she goes over it.  An “S” adorns her
             chest.

                                      CRUZ
                           The bar ALMOST stayed on.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Did the cape ALMOST help you soar?
 
                                      CRUZ
                           No.  It was strictly for show.
                           I liked to thrill the crowd.
 
                                      ALMA
                           What about that S on your chest?
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Those were my boobs.  They
                           thrilled the boys.
 
             Cruz motions for Alma to take the pole.
 
                                      CRUZ
                           Time to soar, Alma.
 
                                      ALMA
                           I don’t think so.  Return that
                           thing.  I’ll try something else.
 
            Suddenly, Cruz’s vision blurs…

            Sweet Alma transforms into a chubby, lumpy devil with horns.          

            Startled, Cruz squints, shakes her head, blinks…blinks again.

            She crosses herself, fervently whispers a prayer.

            Alma returns to her non-devil-like state.

            Cruz sighs with relief, mumbles a thank you to the ceiling.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Again?
 
                                      CRUZ
                           I’m fine, Satan. Um, I mean I’m gonna go return
                           this.  I can’t wait to watch
                           you make me proud, young lady.
                           I’d even sell my soul to the
                           dev—
 
             Cruz catches herself, places a hand over her mouth, crosses
             herself and disappears down the hallway.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Be careful!
 
                                      CRUZ
                           I will!  God protects me, you
                           and Pit Bull!
 
             CLANK!  THUMP!  Followed by a yelping growl.

             Pitbull, a hairy little mutt who thinks he’s a badass, struts into the
             room…miniature pole from a pole vaulter trophy stuck all
             the way up his ass. He snarls at Alma…
 
             GRRRRRRROOOOOOOOWL!
 
                                      ALMA
                           Pit Bull?
 
                                      CRUZ
                           I think I knocked over my
                           trophy!  Stick it back up, will
                           you?!
 
             Front door CREAKS open…SLAMS shut.
 
             Alma kneels…
 
             Grips the trophy, closes her eyes…yanks it out, PLOP!
 
             The vault pole is as long as Pitbull’s body.
 
             Alma stares: “Whoooaaa.”
 
             Pit Bull growls at the trophy before he staggers out.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Pit Bull?
 
                                         **
 
             Alma hustles in the kitchen after Pit Bull.
 
             Pit Bull staggers, leaps towards the pet door, hits the
             main door head-first and drops…THUMP!
 
             He lies on his back, paws up, like an effed-up stuffed animal.
 
             Alma slumps onto a chair.
 
             The phone RINGS.
 
             She stares at it.
 
             A second RING.  She picks it up, looks at CALLER ID:
 
                                     DOCTOR JONES
 
                                      ALMA
                           Hello?
 
                                      DOCTOR JONES
                           Cruz Espinoza?

                                      ALMA
                           No.
 
             Alma changes her mind, imitates Cruz’s voice and gains a
             nasty attitude.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Uh yes.  What have you
                           accomplished besides giving
                           people 20-20 vision, doctor?
 
                                      DOCTOR JONES
                           I beg your pardon?
 
                                      ALMA
                           What’s so sexy or athletic
                           about that?
 
                                      DOCTOR JONES
                           Sexy?  Athletic?
 
                                      ALMA
                           Why the call, Doctor Jones?
 
                                      DOCTOR JONES
                           I just got your test results
                           and unfortunately your eyesight
                           looks bleak, no pun intended.
          

                                            ALMA
                           Oh really?  I just pulled a
                           trophy out of Pit Bull’s ass
                           and he knocked himself out.
                                (taps Pit Bull with toe.)
                           He’s just laying there.  I think
                           I already know my eyesight’s
                           bad, doctor. 
 
                         
                                      DOCTOR JONES
                           You pulled a trophy out of a
                           pit bull’s ass?
 
                                      ALMA
                           Get to the point, doctor.
 
             No response.
 
                                      ALMA
                           Doctor?
 
                                      DOCTOR JONES
                           You’ll be completely blind
                           within a month if not days.
 
             Alma’s jaw slacks.

                                      DOCTOR JONES
                           I hope you’ve seen all that
                           you’ve ever wanted to see, Miss
                           Espinoza.
 
             Alma drops the phone…

            To be continued…

*No part of this novella may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems without permission in writing from the author.    
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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Cindy Saldivar Slensker permalink
    February 6, 2011 10:45 am

    Poor Cruz… What is she gonna do now… Toda Sorda! Pobre’!! Can’t wait to read what she really wants to see…. hmmm.

  2. Cindy Saldivar Slensker permalink
    February 6, 2011 10:46 am

    I meant Siega….. Hahaha…..

  3. MEXICAN HEART...ATTACK! permalink*
    February 6, 2011 8:31 pm

    I know what you meant, Cindy! LOLOL!!!! Thank you for reading!

    Corona : )

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