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January 31, 2011

This ruca asked me to text her to make her boyfriend jealous.

I asked her to have my baby and buy me some Super Bowl tickets to really make him jealous.

“No way!  Just text me!”

“Okay, but I need you to get something first.”


“A make-over.  I don’t text ugly people.”

“No way!  Friend me on Facebook and message me!”

“I don’t have a computer, but don’t worry.”

I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote:

You look beautiful, Monica…let me be your King Kong since you work in a top-story building and I go ape whenever I see you.  Love, King Kong Corona

She read it, “Perfect!  Are you gonna draw a rose on it and mail it to him so he can see it?”

“Nah, I’m gonna stick it in this beer bottle and float it to him.  He lives by the ocean, don’t he?”

“No way!  It’ll take forever to get there.”

“So you want speed.  No problem.”

I rewrote the note again ‘cause I couldn’t drink it out of the bottle and drew a rose on it.

“Perfect!  You gonna express mail it to him?”

“Of course.”

I folded up the note like a plane and flew it right through her boyfriend’s bedroom window and right into the motherfvcker’s eye.

Homeboy got all pi$$ed instead of jealous.

“See?  You should’a just had my baby and got me them tickets.”


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