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CRUISING WITH CORONA: Come Here Lil Fvcker

January 18, 2011

My little 5-year old nephew was running around all crazy, giving me the finger, sticking his tongue out at me.  I couldn’t catch him because he was too fast so I had to set a trap.

Trap number one was to shoot him with a BB gun like a duck because he thinks he’s a duck…he’ll always duck when I try to swat him on the back of the head or he’ll duck into any toy stores.

I went to the fair to practice real quick and shot down all the ducks at the shooting gallery…I won the big, stuffed dice and gave it to my nephew’s mother because I love her and would never do anything to hurt her.

I returned home and proceeded to take aim from my bedroom window at my nephew in the backyard, who suddenly dropped down on all fours, stuck his arm in front of his face and started pretending he was an elephant.

There was no way my BB gun was gonna bring down a big a$$ elephant so I tossed the gun, whipped out my tranquilizer rifle and took aim.

Suddenly, my little nephew dropped, took a nap…from eating too many peanuts.

I tossed my rifle, didn’t need it anymore!

I hopped out the window and ran to snatch him up, but before I could, a nightmare woke him up and he still thought he was some bird from his nightmare and he took off running again flapping his arms, giving me the finger.

I proceeded to prop up a box with a stick and put bread crumbs under the box since I was now trying to catch a bird.

I then tied a long string to the stick and hid around the house, ready to yank the stick down so the box could fall on top of and capture my nephew when he went for the bread crumbs.

He approached the box…

I squeezed the string…

He went for the crumbs…

I yanked the string…

The box fell on top of him!  I captured him!

I ran over, snatched him out from under the box.

“Tío Corona?”

“Nah, mijo.  Corona the cat.”

I tore that little bird a$$ up.

Corona

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