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THAT’S BARRIO: Lawyer or Idiot Material?

December 16, 2010

When I was little, I took one look at my report card and could tell my future: a buena chinga, an exorcism to take the devil and listening to Disco out of me, plus I was gonna hear, “No sirves pa nada, idiota!” twenty times and “You’re gonna be a lawyer!” right after the idiota remarks.

That kind’a confused me…was I lawyer material or idiot material?

I decided to put it to the test, “Hey, bro, get over here.”

My brother walked over, “What?”

“I need you to admit that you broke mom’s vase.”

“Hell no! You did it!”

“I’ll get you off, I’m gonna be a lawyer.”

After he thought about it, “Okay.”

We stood in front of Judge Mamita, “Mom,” I said, “He broke your vase.”

CRACK! She broke his nose. The defense wasn’t going too good.

“Would you like to take the stand?” I asked my brother.

“I’d just like to stand up if you can help me!”

I helped him to his feet, presented him as exhibit A, “Judge Mamita, does this bloody, mischievous face that you created in your womb look like he would break your vase?”

CRACK! She broke his mouth.

“Do you have anything to say before I sentence you?” Judge Mamita asked my brother.

He pointed to his swollen lips, shook his head “no.”

“Good!  Call Padre Jose!” She banged her fist like a gavel.

Judge Mamita had just sentenced my brother to an excorcism…boy did he need it.

“I thought you were gonna get me off?!” My brother shouted to me.

“I thought so, too, but I guess I’m idiot material, not lawyer material.”


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