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THAT’S BARRIO: Take a Pic With Me, Pinche Santa

December 8, 2010

When I was little, I went to take a picture with Santa.  I walked up to him, tugged on his red coat, “Take a picture with me, Santa.”

He turned to the prostitute he was soliciting, “Be right back.”

He pulled me to the side, “Can’t’chu see Santa was giving that poor girl some Christmas shopping money?”

“It looked like you were the one who was shopping, Santa.”

“Hell no!  You got a camera?”

I pulled out a Polaroid, “Can she take our picture?”

Santa handed the prostitute the camera…CLICK!  She took the pic, “Perfect!  You two have the same eyes!”

“Those are your eyes,” I said, “You had the camera backwards.”

“Oh,” she took another pic…CLICK!  Perfect!

“Can we take a family picture?” I asked, “I’ve never had a family before.”

After some thought, we huddled together with me in the middle, Santa and the ho pecking lips…a passerby took our pic…CLICK!

“Thanks!” I said, “Can we have a little snow?  I’ve never seen snow.”

“Sorry, no snow here, lil vato,” Santa replied.

“You got some coke on you, Santa?  You don’t hafta sprinkle it, just hold it up.  It’s white, right?”

“Hell nah!”

My eyes watered.

“C’mon, Santa.  Look at him,” the ho pleaded.

After some thought, Santa reluctantly gave in and held up a bag of coke…CLICK!  I took the pic…perfect!

“Now here’s the real question,” Santa said, “Have you been naughty or nice this year?”

I held up the polaroids, “Barrio.  And I know where you live…and I’ll show your wife if you don’t get this barrio kid everything on his Christmas list.”


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