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MIJA: You Talkin’ Dirty to Me?!

November 19, 2010

Mija skipped up to me talking all dirty, “Hi, daddy!”

I wanted to hair spray her bad hair cut to stay permanently bad; spray her dirty mind with Shout so she’ll stop talking dirty, and spray her bad breath with bullets (just playing about the bullets).

“Why do you say such dirty things to me?”

“Because you’re my daddy and I love you.”

I sprayed her head with Aquanet, sprayed her temples with Shout, and sprayed her bad breath with bullets (I really am just kidding about the bullets).

“But it’s true!  I love you, daddy!”

I proceeded to empty the cans of Aquanet and Shout on her.

“I still love you!”

I should’ve used a case of Shout.

“Is this girl really my mija” I thought to myself, “Come stand next to me in front of the mirror, let’s see if I’m really your daddy,” I told her.

We stood side-by-side facing the mirror, “Open your eyes.”

“I can’t, daddy.  They’re hair-sprayed shut.”

I pried them open, told her not to blink and had her look in the mirror.

“Why do you have an ugly, stiff haircut and I have a beautiful, soft haircut if I’m your daddy?”

“Because we’re different people?”

“So we don’t have the same hair.  Strike one!  Would you spray Shout on my temples?”

“No, daddy.  You never say anything dirty.”

“You do!  Strike two!  Last question: would I EVER disrespect you and say hi to you?”

“You never have and you never will, daddy.”

“Strrrrrike three!  You’rrrrrrrrrrrrrre outta here!  That’s the clincher!  You ain’t mine!  Stop blubblering and go get me a beer so I can celebrate.”

*Please tell your mijas and mijos hi and I love you.

Corona : )

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