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I Ain’t No Punk B1tch…Don’t Nobody Tell Me How To Cross No Puddle

November 18, 2010

I went to step over this puddle at the shopping center when a Supermarket Worker said, “Careful, Sir, it’s kind’a deep.”

That kind’a pi$$ed me off.

“What’chu say, man?”

“Careful, it’s deep.”

I proceeded to toss a shopper’s two-foot child in the puddle…the splashing, screaming punk sunk to the bottom.

That’s when I knew the puddle was at least two feet deep.

I heroically saved the little punk but refused my heroics award because anybody would’ve done the same and the kid wasn’t that heavy to pull out…his little, drenched sister who was clinging to his leg was heavier.

A rich shopper walked past and I tossed him in the puddle next…he sunk to the bottom.

“Why’d you do that?!” The Supermarket Worker shouted, “He’s the same height as those kids you threw in!”

“Because rich people have deep pockets…he went way deeper than those kids.”

I then heroically saved the rich man and knew the puddle was at least four feet deep.

Another shopper was about to load his groceries into a jacked-up hoopty…I snatched him before he could and tossed him in the puddle…he sunk to the bottom.

“Why him?!” The Supermarket Worker screamed, “He’s shorter than the others you threw in!”

“Because if you drive a jacked-up hoopty like he does, you’re in deep deep DEEP debt.”

I yanked him out and knew the puddle was at least five feet deep.”

I proceeded to dive in the puddle…stood proudly as the puddle came up to my cheeks.

A doggy then walked past and pi$$ed in my puddle.

“Hey, why’d that doggy pi$$ in my puddle?!” I shouted.

“He didn’t pi$$ in your puddle, Sir,” the Supermarket Worker said, “You dove in his pi$$.  That’s where they go.”

Don’t nobody tell me how to walk over no puddle.

I ain’t no punk b1tch.


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