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I Ain’t No Punk B1tch…Don’t Nobody Tell Me When To Cross No Street

November 3, 2010

I was getting ready to walk across the street with my groceries when a Driver at the stop sign waved me across, in front of him.

That kinda pi$$ed me off.

“Who you waving across?” I asked.

“You, Sir.  Please go.  Those grocery bags look awfully heavy.”

“Nah, you go, homeboy.”

I proceeded to stuff a seeing-eye dog that was leading his blind owner across the street and a plump first-grader into my grocery bags to make the load heavier.

The Driver couldn’t believe it.

Suddenly, my load got light.

I looked…the little first-grade plump motherfvcker had eaten my ice cream and cookies that were weighing extremely heavy on me because I’m supposed to be on a diet and he made my load very light by eating them.

I proceeded to dump little fat boy to the curb and stuffed a motorcycle helmet in my grocery bag to get my load back to heavy.

“Sir, please go,” the Driver pleaded, “those bags look really heavy.”

Suddenly, my load got a little light again…but in my back pocket…the blind man had picked my wallet.

I proceeded to kick his a$$ so his seeing-eye dog could really see something worth seeing and kicked him and his dog to the curb.

I then stuffed a motorcycle battery in my bag and got my load really really heavy.

“Sir, I think you should’n’ve done that,” the Driver grimaced.

That’s when the motorcycle cop snatched back his helmet and motorcycle battery and had a cop car take me to the police station to have me arrested.

Me and my groceries got a free ride…don’t nobody tell me when to cross no street.

I ain’t no punk b1tch.


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