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MIJA: Little Ms. Dumbo

October 21, 2010

I called mija Dumbo the other day and she got all sensitive on me, “I don’t have big ears, daddy!”

“I was talking about you’re a$$, mija.  If you keep eating the way you do, you’re gonna squash Santa at the mall and then they’re gonna shoot you with tranquilizers and stomp you with shoes from the Foot Locker before you stomp on them.”


“Tell me about your diet, mija.”

“Well, I eat the peanuts you give me for breakfast every morning with no hands just like you taught me.”

“Wonderful.  What about lunch?”

“I eat the hay you put in my lunch box.”

“Do the other kids make fun of you?”


“Then you’re not eating it off the ground, are you?”

She slumped, “No.”

“Scoop it in with your nose and eat it off the ground from now on — less calories that way.  What about exercise?  What kinda exercise you do?”

“Well, when the other kids play kick ball, I sit on my ball and raise my arms in front of me and bend them and go in circles.”

“Excellent.  You keep that up and no one will ever call you Dumbo.”


“Yes, mija?”

“What position am I applying for on this application again?”

“The baby elephant position.  And I want free tickets if Barnum & Bailey hire you.  I’m the one who hooked you up with this lead, remember?”


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