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MIJA: Pinche Mija!

September 15, 2010

I was watching my favorite reality show the other day when the little daughter accidentally ran over her father…my TV went out just as the accident happened.

I banged on the TV to get the picture back and nothing.  I needed to know how badly the father got hurt and nobody else I knew watched that show but me.


She ran in the room, “Yes, daddy?”

“I need to run you over with the van.”

“Why, daddy?”

“Because Anna just ran over Pablo in Pinche Mija! and I need to know how badly he got hurt.  The TV went out just as it happened and we have to re-enact the accident.  Go stand with your back to the van in the driveway — I’ll drive.”

“But wasn’t Pablo the one who got runned over, daddy?  Shouldn’t I be the one driving?”

“Do you have a driver’s license?”


“All right then, shut the fvck up and go hit the driveway.  Make sure ain’t no neighbors watching.”


She stood in the driveway with her back to the van.

“How fast are you gonna go, daddy?”

SCREEEEEEEECH THUMP!  I ran her little a$$ over, hit the brakes across the street and hopped out.

She was lying flat on her face, clutching her Kaiser medical card in her little fist.

I tapped her in the side with my foot…nothing…tapped her a little harder…nothing…I rolled her face back and forth over the large, fresh oil stain in the driveway…NOTHING…kicked her in the forehead…she finally came to, stood, and rubbed her oily forehead where I kicked it.

“What happened, daddy?”

“Pablo’s alive!  But pinche Anna rolled his face in the oil and kicked him in the forehead!  Pinche mija!  You better never do that to me!”


P.S. This story is dedicated to Ms. Linda Ortiz who mentioned she enjoys reading my little stories.  Thank you for always reading, Ms. Ortiz.  From our hearts to yours…Always and Forever…

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