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DEAR ESPERANZA: Pellejos can be hot!

May 26, 2010

Dear Esperanza:

I’m a “mature” woman, and although I don’t look my age, men in my age group are the only ones who ask me out. The problem is…I have pellejo phobia.

Pellejos give me asco, big time. And I won’t even talk about those hanging clackers.

Crinkly, hanging pellejos make me cringe. Sure, a mature man looks distinguished with age streaked on his rugged face, but take his clothes off and I’m looking at tetherballs surrounded by a vat of oatmeal. Asco!

I want firm, plump & smooth. But I’m not sure how to get it. And if I don’t get it…I’m gonna go out of my mind.  

Help me, mi amiguita.

COUGAR WANNABE

**

Dear Pellejo hater:

This is a horrible, terrible tragedy.

I’ve had my share of pellejos, and lemme tell you…they’re hot!

Pellejos stretch like elastic, fit inside those nooks and crannies, spices up things real good. And if you un-focus your eyes, all that pellejo looks like a tangle of octopus limbs. You’ll think the pellejo brought a friend. Hot!

And it helps that pellejos get Social Security checks every month and free Viagra.

My last affair with a pellejo was hot. He took me to an early dinner–early bird senior special–and after the main course, he napped and I ate his chocolate pudding and leftover mac & cheese. You can eat all you want with a pellejo, not like when you’re with non-pellejos who got good eyesight and can see how much you ate.

After lunch/dinner, I hooked up with pellejo and when we did the big nasty He took a loooooooooooooooong time. And he shooooooooooooooooooooook a lot. Hot!

After he woke up from his nap, he couldn’t remember our shaky lust so he popped another blue pill and the shaaaaaaaaaking continued. Super hot!

Just avoid the hickeys…his teeth stayed clamped on my neck for two days. But I was able to return them in time for steak night at The Home.

Never underestimate the power of pellejos…they got it going on.

Yet you still insist on only tasting young, strong & firm…

I know how to hunt down them fine, firm, muscular ti-tis.

But if I told you, I’d have to kill you. I ain’t no murderer.

Love the pellejos. Hate the Haters.

Love is a mucho splendored thing.

Your pellejos are beautiful to me…

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