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THAT’S BARRIO: Quinceniera And Then Some

April 12, 2010

I went to my niece’s quinceañera…she turned 15-years old and 9 months pregnant on the same day.

Her big dress and her big mother helped conceal her nine-month pregnant belly from her guests and her father.

Her purple hickeys matched her purple dress, shoes, and purse.

Everything was perfect…even the judge agreed to wait until Monday to sentence her for her involvement in breaking out her chambelan from jail so he could make it to the quince.

I think the only sad person in the place was the union hall itself.  It suffered extensive property damage from hosting quinceañera fights every weekend.

My niece took a group picture with her grandmother, her mother, her best friend and the religious choir lady from church.

They all lined up and looked very pure, like angels…like the Mona Lisa, and very, very, VERY pregnant…all five of them (grandma and the choir lady got pregnant from the same guy).

My niece did the waltz with her much shorter chambelan.

His orange jumpsuit and shackles didn’t really clash with her outfit, but the shackles did clash with the floor.

Then the party-crashers came…

“You in the jumpsuit!” The cop shouted to my niece’s chambelan, “Hands up!”

He put up his hands, but so did the five mechanics who were invited and also wearing jump suits.

“Not you guys!” The Cop shouted, “Just him!”

The mechanics lowered their hands and the cops whisked away my niece’s chambelan.

My niece bawled, “My day’s ruined!”

“Is it?” I asked.

She looked at me, “Huh?  Who could ever replace him?”

I spooked into labor and had the sobador, who was a guest, deliver the baby behind the keg and put a mechanic’s jumpsuit on the baby so the baby could stand in for daddy.

“The baby looks like nothing like him!” My niece shouted.

“You should’n’a cheated on him.”


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