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I Ain’t No Punk B1tch…Don’t Nobody Tell Me How To Drink My Hot Chocolate Or Tell Me When To Walk Through No Door At Graduation

March 8, 2010

I was very cold and trembling the other day so I ducked into this restaurant and ordered a hot chocolate.

The lady handed it to me, “Be careful, Sir.  It’s extremely hot.”

That kind’a pissed me off.

“What’chu say?” I asked.

“Be careful.  It’s very, very hot.”

I handed it back to her, “Put it in the microwave.”

She reluctantly did and hit the 1-minute button.

“Put it for 10,” I said.

She did.  Ten minutes later, she handed me my boiling hot chocolate and said, “Please, be very, very careful.”

I immediately tossed it on my face.  Don’t nobody tell me how to drink my hot chocolate.

I ain’t no punk bitch.

Later that day, I went to watch my daughter graduate when this dude held the door open for me, “After you, Sir.”

That kind’a bothered me.

“What’chu say?” I asked.

“After you.”

“Nah, homie, after you.  Matter of fact, after all of you!” I growled to everybody in line.

I then let everybody in ahead of me and when I got to the door, the doorman put his hand on my chest and said, “Sorry, Sir, we’re at capacity.”

Later, as I stood outside the football field, behind the bleachers, I heard my daughter’s name called, I repeatedly jumped up and down and waved.

She said she saw my hand waving at her above the bleachers and smiled at it.  She knew it was my hand because I have a habit of flipping people off and I was flipping off a couple of rude people in wheelchairs as I was soaking in my daughter’s academic achievements.

I also took pictures as I was jumping.  I got part of the field goal post and the back of this dude’s head.  I framed the pics and hung them up in my hallway.  They will always remind me of my daughter walking the stage.

I always get teary-eyed when I pull them off the wall and stare at them, while surrounded by guests, showing them off.

“My daughter was behind that dude’s head,” I always tell them.

“Wow,” they always reply.

Don’t nobody tell me when to walk through no door at a graduation.

I ain’t no punk bitch.

Corona

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