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CRUISING WITH CORONA: Blast off! Latino Heart Project!

February 7, 2010

I was headed to our offices in my lowride to launch our Latino Heart Project today.

I was late, so I was flying, set my cruise-control to 8 mph and hoped for the best.

I approached some railroad tracks as a little train with a bunch of little kids was approaching the intersection at the same time.  I could tell the kids had bad grades and ugly parents just by looking at them.  The girl in the caboose was the dumbest and ugliest.

Since I was late, I couldn’t afford to let the train beat me.  Hell no.

I gunned my lowride to double-digits: 10 mph and did what we do, I prayed an Our Father: “Padre nuestro, que estas en el cielo, santificado sea tu nombre, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven etc.”  I prayed in Spanglish to make sure boss-man heard me.  I ain’t stupid.

The race was on.

The train approached like a metal bull…

I approached looking hella cool, my left hand placed perfectly on the steering wheel, my right hand holding down the TV on the passenger seat I had bought for my house party the day before and was gonna return now that my party was over to get my money back.

A quick FYI, my party was a huge success, only three ladies wore the exact same thing (they went shopping together, too, but hid what they bought from each other to “surprise” each other at the party), only two guys tried to sing Always and Forever, and only one hickey on Lupita, the self-proclaimed last-virgin-standing.  I’m just guessing, but I don’t think Lupita stands very much when she’s getting those hickeys.

The metal bull got closer…the kids were stupider and uglier than I first thought…way more.

I got closer, I mean I was looking very cool by this time…I can verify this because I asked the nice power-walker lady who passed my car and she agreed with me when I asked her if I looked very cool.  I was definitely a Kodak moment waiting to happen.

I asked the nice power-walker lady if she had a Kodak camera on her.

She said, “No.”

I called her a bitch.

I closed my eyes…the moment of truth was about to happen: “Metal Bull vs Very Cool.”

It seemed to take forever…then I felt my ride creep onto the tracks, squeezed my eyes tighter, held down my TV on the religious channel (just playing, no cable out here) and waited for impact.

I had already prayed so I was safe, but I worried about the dumb, ugly kids on the train ‘cause I’m a very caring person.  Had they prayed?  Had they even gone to church recently?  Did they cheat to get on the train like they do on their tests?  Did they cheat off of each other?  Imagine that shit.

I felt my ride clear the tracks.  I stopped, opened my eyes and I was alive, my TV unscathed.  That’s when I noticed the Virgin Mary’s outline on the TV screen…and little Snoopy’s outline next to her…like if he was her pet.

The Virgin Mary and little Snoopy had helped me beat the train!

I looked to my right to see by how much, to kinda brag to myself…but no train.

I heard a train whistle, looked to my left and there it was.  The train was up the tracks, it passed the intersection before I ever reached it.

My daughter waved at me from the caboose…damn…

It don’t matter.  Either way, here I am, blessed to be part of our wonderful group of consortium people hoping to bring entertaining Latino-centric films to our wonderful 50 million American Latino audience…’bout time!

For our gente and anybody else who wants to enjoy!

Hi, everybody,

Corona    : )

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Vanek permalink
    February 5, 2010 2:01 pm

    Corona,

    I want what you are taking. 🙂 Sometimes even I can’t compete with your war stories… 🙂

  2. instant_karma permalink
    February 9, 2010 8:05 am

    “I prayed in Spanglish to make sure boss-man heard me. I ain’t stupid.”

    Genius…

  3. ScreenWriter Consortium permalink
    February 18, 2010 8:36 am

    Thank you so much, Vanek & karma.

    We hope and love to make you smile.

    We also hope you enjoy our future updates.

    Thank you for reading.

    Corona : )

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