Exclusive!!! MACHETE co-writer, Alvaro Rodriguez speaks with Corona! Pobrecito.

ALVARO RODRIGUEZ, the cool co-writer of the hot new film, MACHETE, starring DANNY TREJO, grants Corona an exclusive interview.

We love Alvaro, but the boy’s crazy to agree to a sit-down with Corona. He deserves props…

ALVARO RODRIGUEZ

Cool Homie About to Throw Down.

**

Corona: Damn, homie, ‘bout time you cruise out here, vato!  Sucks running out of petro on the freeway.  I gotta siphon some gas from your hooptie while we do the interview, simon?

Alvaro: Damn, Corona. All right, fine. But then we’re going for enchiladas and beer when we’re done.

Corona: Let’s do this with the quickness before la chota pulls up and sees I got expired tags.  You ain’t got an extra set of tags on you, do you?

Alvaro: The last time I did anything with the quickness I was a dad for the third time. Let’s take our time and do it right. Use my Sharpie.

Corona: Orale.  I love the title, MACHETE.  I’m feeling it…like the machete under my car seat…makes me trust you.  Your talented primo, Robert Rodriguez, directed this, and you co-wrote it.  How did you two tag-team it up to get our gente to feel it the way we do?  Like you know us, like we were raised on the same block.

Alvaro: We were raised on the same block. Well, our abuelos were. Everything after that is genetics and corn tortillas. It’s interesting you say tag-team because one of the minor characters in the movie is an assassin in a lucha libre mask named Culebra Cruzado. Danny Trejo and Jessica Alba go over the top rope and ram jam his ass pretty good.

But basically, about getting the gente to feel it, it was just the right time for this kind of movie. You know, when Spy Kids first came out, the movie Buddha Roger Ebert said, “I don’t want to put too fine a point on it, but this is the first movie with Latinos as natural heroes,” meaning that it was just taken as normal, expected, ordinary. Smuggled in, sort of, but let’s see if anybody notices. Machete’s like that, too. Except he’s a little more up front about it.

Corona: This flick has it all: action, lowrides, bad vatos, good vatos, ugly motherfvckers, handsome motherfvckers, blood & guts and sh1t…and of course, the fine hynas.  Was this the vision when you wrote this?  Like you wanted to bust a piñata and have a lil somethin’-somethin’ for everybody?

Alvaro: De Niro has a line about “waiting around to get whacked like a piñata.” Yeah, you know, it’s definitely kitchen-sink screenwriting, when you’re giving yourself the latitude to try out any number of crazy ideas and see what works. In the movie, Danny Trejo’s character finds himself on the border, literally, between all kinds of extreme characters, from Michelle Rodriguez’s taco-truck heroine to Don Johnson’s quasi-militia lone wolf. So you get the chance to turn everything up to 11, and wail on those high notes like a Carlos Santana guitar solo that makes you check your panties when it’s over. Michelle Rodriguez talked about this in an interview—it’s everything you want in a popcorn movie. Bring the butter, we’ll bring the blood and bullets.

ORALE!!!

Corona: Damn, I’m gonna bum-rush my theater and make them play your flick for me and my ruca tonight!  Relax, homie, I’m just messin’.  I got humor.  I just remembered, I’m gonna need a jump before you cruise off.  Think you can gimme one?

Alvaro: Let me check the trunk. I think I got some cables in there. Don’t mind the bodies. I sprinkled them with Lucas sal limon. That’s some amazing stuff right there.

Embalming Salt

Corona: Damn, one of the bodies is still moving.  Just messin’.  My humor again.  All right, two words: “Danny Trejo.”  ‘Bout time he gets a leading role and all the rucas.  Did you have to dress up all hardcore cholo and write all tough when you wrote for him?

Alvaro: Man, that was fun. He’s the closest thing we have to a Charles Bronson, you know? He has that iconic presence. One look and you know – that’s Danny Trejo. That’s how Robert described casting him in DESPERADO. Robert’s looking at actors for this knife-throwing assassin part and in walks Danny. “You’re him. Start practicing,” and hands him a knife. And I think MACHETE is his most iconic role. Ever since the original Grindhouse trailer came out for MACHETE, there’s been a push from all sides to make the movie. There’s a great documentary on his life, CHAMPION, with interviews with all these great actors like Dennis Hopper (rest in peace) that have worked with him over the years, and his family. Really worth tracking down.

“El Bad Ass”

Corona: Can you gimme the low-down on the rest of that pinche awesome cast?  Can you get Michelle to text me?  I ain’t got no phone right now, but she can text my prima and I’ll hit her back up between job interviews once I get gas in my hooptie.  I’ll even take her for a cruise until I run out of gas.

Alvaro: Avatar was an amazing visual experience, and all I wanted in that movie was more Michelle Rodriguez. She’s the real deal. Robert never had to say, “In this scene, you’ve got to act like a badass,” or “in this scene, you’ve got to be sexy.” She just is.

The rest of the cast – De Niro, Don Johnson, Jessica Alba, Steven Seagal, Cheech Marin, Jeff Fahey, Lindsay Lohan, Daryl Sabara, Tom Savini – are you kidding me? Talk about cracking open a piñata and getting all the best chiclets, Tootsie Rolls, Skittles, leche quemada, corn nuts, extra bullets. Hey, who put that in there? The cast just kept getting more and more incredible as the process went on. And the amazing thing is that everyone fits. It’s like a crazy quilt your abuela made. All these pieces, looks wild, but it keeps you really warm and cozy and it don’t pica at all.

Abuela no make ju pica.

Corona: All right, homie, now spit whatever you wanna spit, anything you didn’t get to say that you’d like to say to our people…the floor’s yours.

Alvaro: All I want to say is I hope everyone comes out to the movie and has a good time. Make it a night to remember. Love one another and don’t be a stranger. Always stay cool and never change. You had me at “bueno?”

Corona: A ton of our gente are gonna wanna continue to follow you after this and will wanna know the 4-1-1 on what you’ll be doing in the future.  How can they follow you?

Alvaro: In a dark alley or in a suspicious vehicle. Or they can find Machete on imdb.com and click on my name, bookmark that page, and check it every five minutes, like I do. Or they can get on the roof and send smoke signals. I read those.

Corona: Alvaro, en serio, thank you so much for the interview.  Best of luck with MACHETE and God bless your future projects.  And don’t forget to tell Michelle.

Alvaro: Thank you, Corona. You’re one in a million. Maybe two million. Let’s say a million and a half. Are we going for enchiladas now? I need my guacamole fix.

Corona: Hell yeah, I’m hungry!  You fly, I buy?  I only got enough gas to make it there but not back.  There’s only one Alvaro and one MACHETE, mi gente.  They’re giving us what we’ve longed for…now let’s show our love back by going to the shows to watch this…only if you wanna have a good-a$$ time that is. Look for MACHETE in theatres September 3rd!

MACHETE FIRME TRAILER

MACHETE putting Arizona on blast!  How can we not love these vatos!